Sunday-August 31st 2008
Today is sunday i have spent my day on computer.I have taken 2 wadas as my break fast.I didn't
take my lunch because i was angry with my father.every time i think of him i just cant control
my anger and my actions show that i am very angry.due to this my mom says that you have stopped
your medicine thats the reason why you are doing this.but i know i am fine.I was crying whole day
if he would have let me go to australia i would have got my PR till now.i told i cant study i will take some easy courses and compleat my studies there and
spend the time needed to get the PR after that i will do odd jobs and earn the mony.But what
excuse he gave me for not sending to australia is they exploit people.On the other hand he
used to give me examples of rikshaw wala,bandi wala.I have seen the only father in my life
who didnt wanted his sone to earn good money.i dont know why.He can see me becoming riksha wala here
he can see me becoming bandi wala here but he didnt wanted me to get exploited in australia.
I suspect my dad was one of them who made me mad.............He always liked playing with psycology.
since the time he broke my hart i have started doing zulm with my self.I am not happy with life.
I know any how i am going to hell because of my dad.Then why should i be good person.....yes...
I will comit every sin i can do ...........be it anything....I have so many dreems which my
dad has shattered.....yeh it dosent matter to them they just want me to live with
the earning of 4000-5000 Rs.They will live with thir engineer son and who is going to suffer
yes its me who will suffer....because i couldent be a success full person.I dont want to go
to gulf.because i dont want to listen to them when they didnt send me where i want to go then
why should i listen to them.........My mom used to ask me to buy new bike but i didnt wanted
to waste money since we had old scooter at home and it was working well....its not that i
dont want new bike but i felt it to be fuzool kharchi...I was many boys using costly cell phones
Even i wanted one but never said any body any thing since i had one that was cheep one and
i used to console my self that its sufficient for you to make calls...but that dosent meen that
i didnt wanted those costly phone.....I dont know what made my mom and dad think that i can
live life with this RS 4000-5000 job.That shows that they really never cared for me.
Today i told my father not to talk to me because when ever he talks to me a volcano errupts
in me i cant control my anger.My mom said she will also not talk with me. I told in my mind
that its ok i dont want to talk to anybody till i die.I am not happy with anybody.One more thing
when my dad was talking about my rishta with arshiya baji on phone she said some thing on phone
his reply to that was uski zindagi kharaab nai hojari.This is how much my so called dad
loves me.He can think good of any body in the world but not me.I dont know what i did to him
.